A few days ago I did a Facebook Live on this life perspective “What’s wrong is always available, but so is what’s right.” You can see the video here: Facebook Live
“What’s wrong is always available, but so is what’s right” and “Where is the gift in the challenge” were two common quotes said during Tony Robbins Unleash the Power Within & Date With Destiny Workshops I recently attended.
I also went on a gratefulness retreat before thanksgiving and my key takeaway was to stop and pause throughout the day and to ask myself, “Where is the surprise in this moment?” I wrote about this here: “There Is Endless Opportunity TO BE GRATEFUL If You Are Open To SURPRISE!”
All similar messages and I have been working on them quite a bit daily. One of my top goals these days is to become aware of my emotional state as much as I can. My focus is to feel connected and love in all that I do. I used to believe feeling connected and love was based upon how others made me feel. Now I know I am responsible for my feelings of connection and love.
It’s much easier to achieve connection, love, happiness, etc. when you are not dependent on others, as you can never truly depend on others to satisfy your needs. This focus on connection and love has taught me to slow down and re-think my thoughts, actions and beliefs because I often found myself in a suffering state (anything other than connection and love). If I recognize stress, anxiety, overwhelm, anger, disconnect, fear or any other kind of mental suffering I now think of Tony’s Triad of Emotional health to change my state.
Tony says we can address one or more areas (focus, language or physiology) to change emotional state in seconds. I wrote a detailed article on these 3 areas here: “How To Change Your Emotional State in Seconds.”
Focus can easily be changed by changing your perspective from what’s wrong to what’s right, by looking for the gift in a challenge or a surprise in the moment.
By stopping and pausing throughout the day I became aware that I was one of those folks who often focused on what’s wrong vs what’s right and now I am seeing it in others often, especially those who are lacking joy and love.
My first realization of this negative life perspective was back in 2009 when I took a program at Mercy Center called Spirtiual Exercises of St. Ignatius (I am taking it again now). This was a 9 month program and one of my daily homework assignments was to do a process called the Examen. Here is a good summary of the Examen Process.
In the Examen process you are told to journal the gifts of your day and that gratitude is the most important step of the spiritual journey. This was a new process for me and back in those days I only focused on what I didn’t have. My journal was filled with daily challenges and little mention of my gratitude.
Whether you are a Christian or not I believe you can use this Examen to help you find happiness and clarity.
Nine months later and now 7 years later my challenges are few. I am grateful for just about everything and I am generally happy!
Remember you can change your emotional state in seconds by changing focus, language or physiology. Just by changing my focus to gratitude I changed my life.
I had a great conversation with my 9 year old daughter last week about her focus on what’s wrong. She is often angry at her brother and whenever things don’t go her way. We talked about changing her focus to all the good she has in her life and I had her remember 3 memories she was grateful for. I told her to remember those memories whenever she is in need of changing her state. Of course I will keep reminding her, when she gets into one of those suffering states as we all do.
My last example of changing your focus to change your state is my recent drive to Elk Grove, near Sacramento last Wednesday. Normally the drive without traffic is 2 hours but with the holiday traffic it took us 4 hours. In the past I would have been angry, but I focused on the gift… I was able to listen to Tony’s relationship course and The 5 Love Languages in the car with my wife Chris. We have been so hectic lately that it was good to have this time to grow together in our relationship.
Where focus goes, energy flows.
When you focus on what’s right… life is outstanding. Life has purpose. Life is love! Life is much easier when you focus on connection and love!
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Brien
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